when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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