It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
