what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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