You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
