he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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