I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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