call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Will exercising make me less horny?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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