My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
