the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
