I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
