You made me cry and you don't even care
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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