my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
