Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
