You can't special order awesome
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
So many bounce houses so little time
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
