I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
