y did u give ur computer a hand job?
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Please don't give away my fajitas
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
