at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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