do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
