I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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