Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
