Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize