i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
