Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
