So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
