there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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