woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just found a bag of teeth...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My feet surprised me
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
