I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
