At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
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i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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