That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
