remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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