ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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