I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
