Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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