you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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