im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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