Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
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