all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
