Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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