She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
