when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
