Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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