i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
