he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
