Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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