I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
