isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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