I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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