i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
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Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
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I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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