yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
