You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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