If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
