there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
