im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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