This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
