Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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