I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
