I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
