it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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