dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
