If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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