tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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