Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
