just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
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I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
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In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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