My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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