I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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